Real life with a Brummie accent. Be afraid, be very afraid. http://www.brummieblogs.com A little thinner (I wish), exhausted from life's little rugby tackles, but I'm definitely still breathing. Wait, I'll just check. Oh yuk, wish I hadn't done that, I saw GREY hairs. The nervous breakdown has been and gone (and was, I have to say, a little disappointing), Hubs and I have thrashed out the crinkles in our joint existence, and I'm ready to take on the world again. And when I say 'world', I mean 'Europe'. Yes, my friends over the Channel, we're coming... be afraid, be VERY afraid. http://www.brummieblogs.com Just when you think things couldn't possibly get any weirder, this post makes it onto the internet. http://www.brummieblogs.com The thing is, when you work as a transcriber for a living, typing all day long, the last thing you want to do after the workload has crushed the will to live out of you is type a blog post, no matter how much you want to. But at least, when my poor long-suffering fingers do eventually get round to it, its SUBSTANTIAL. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 Before clicking on that blue link up there, prepare yourself. Are you sitting comfortably? Are the kids amused, the husband entertained (preferably in another room), do the teenagers have enough junk food in the cupboards to keep them quiet for a while? Do you have your spectacles to hand because you'll be asked to look at pretty pictures? Okay, put your feet up. Wait, put them down again, go and make a cup of tea/coffee, and grab some biscuits while you're in there, then come back and put your feet up. Arrange the cushions, make sure you're really, really ready because this is going to take some time. Now, click the link... http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 I got a bit carried away. I started typing a blog post and then found I couldn't stop. Could. Not. Stop. Spring is coming (its coming! its coming!) and I'm REVITALISED, I am BURSTING with energy... aided, no doubt, by the pile of vitamin tablets I've been popping like Smarties in an effort to resuscitate myself from Chronic Winter Lethargy. http://www.brummieblogs.com ...but valiantly struggling to escape. Spring is on its way, and in celebration of this momentous and much-anticipated event we go away for the weekend - you won't believe what happened, never in a million years. All here, go read, have fun. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 Does exactly what it says on the tin. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 Blimey, is winter EVER going to end? It seems to have dragged on for an awful long time, but I know the end is near because I've started looking at seed catalogues, so Spring must be close... thank God! http://www.brummieblogs.com How long can a home-working, self-employed transcriber keep it together in the midst of No Berluddy Work before going Completely Round The Bend? The answers are here in horrific, blood-curdling detail... be afraid, be very afraid. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 Bonkers, and cold, very, very cold. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 Its snowing! Still! We've got a good three inches, possibly four, and the entire country grinds to a halt (tsk). Pictoral evidence of The Snow... in winter, who'd have thought (tsk) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 Its just like that film 'The Day After Tomorrow' where the temperatures plummet and the world freezes over... I'm forever chipping the ice off the dog's waterbowl! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 And it will be a happy new year, trust me on this, 2010 (twenny-ten) is going to be The Best Year Eva! Its our Gap Year and I'm so full of joy and expectation I could just BURST all over the place. Love and happiness to everyone... chin up, chest out, let's take this sucker :-) http://www.brummieblogs.com ...as soon as I've figured out what normality is, it sure hasn't been round here for quite a while. But there's some nice pics to look at... well, I say nice, what I mean is weird. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 Arguing, Weetabix-eating, decorating, dying, huffing, wintering, and of course huge splodges of insanity... all with pics! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 ...and its all getting a bit weird, what with neither of us knowing what day it is and both feeling a bit removed from the real world. Its only a matter of time, I feel, before the men in white coats come to take us away, away, away, they're coming to take us aaaawaaaaay (see, its started already!) http://www.brummieblogs.com/2009/November2009#update4 Showing now on Brummie Blogs: drunkeness, a famous mother, an innovative father, a disgruntled husband, and a road trip... its all terribly exciting! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 Well, first Hubs tried to kill himself by flinging his person off the porch roof, then he brought Twine Floo home with him (I'd have much preferred chocolates or flowers, but hey ho), and finally (hopefully), he's been made redundant. Yarp, one's husband has now joined the ever-increasing legions of the unemployed, which leaves me as the main breadwinner... doesn't scare me at all (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!) Food parcels can be sent to... http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 Twine floo, apparently, at Death's door and all that, only Death didn't like the look of us and sent us away, told us to come back again when we're a better colour and not dribbling all over the place, tsk. You can READ ALL ABOUT it - the misery, the boredom, the drug taking - by clicking on that there link up top, the blue one. Waddaya mean you've got work to do? Just click it, you know you want to. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 So we've got nightmarish TV adverts, we've got whistling so high-pitched its been known to kill small mammals, and we've got the most diabolical attempt at cooking in the history of cooking, WITH PICTURES! http://www.brummieblogs.com Honestly, once I get going there's no stopping me! http://www.brummieblogs.com The post, that is, super-duper mega - you certainly get value for money here at Brummie Blogs. But be warned, there's blood involved, quite a lot of it, though fortunately no photographs (and for that thank your lucky stars). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 Of summer that is, not that we've had much of a summer, it was kind of rain-lashed autumn interspersed with bits of summer, but not enough to stop us all looking a bit pale and sun-deprived and slightly damp. But life goes on, in a water-logged way, and here it is, life, in all its soggy glory. http://www.brummieblogs.com And thank God for that! I've actually had time to do something apart from type up interminable transcripts. I've even done photos! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 Madder than ever... no, really, LITERALLY madder than ever. I may have to seek some kind of therapy, but I won't think about that today, I'll think about it tomorrow for (altogether now) Tomorrow Is Another Day. http://www.brummieblogs.com I've seen thangs a woman ain't s'posed to see, and I've made notes and taken photographs and generally had a whale of a time (no whales were harmed in the making of this story). http://www.brummieblogs.com/SCOTTISH%20ROAD%20TRIP.htm Hubs had his film-star ambitions scuppered recently. He tried to put on a brave (if villainous looking) face, but I could tell he was crushed, poor thang. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 There's no stopping me now, and this time its SERIOUS, like with photos and stuff. If you've ever wanted to know about the mental stability of a home-working transcriber, this is so the place to go to witness the gradual erosion of reality. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 We're on a minute-by-minute countdown to our escape to the Highlands of Bonnie Scotland, and I'm in training for the single malt marathon I intend to partake off. Meantime, life goes on in a kind of wobbly, abstract, rather confusing kind of way. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 I know, really sparodic blogging, but I do have a really good excuse for my tardiness: fallen trees, box wearing and being embarrassed by a typist's chair... its all here, well worth the wait ;-) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 We're all sunburned and suffering from heat stroke, incapable of movement or thought... that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. http://www.brummieblogs.com ...but three important things have happened in the last couple of days. 1. The emotional angst from last month has returned (bugger). 2. My kitchen is at bursting point, yet I have been shopping. 3. I appear to suddenly be living in a stately home. All will be revealed, and more, so much more, if ya click da link up there. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 Actually, the title says it all really, I can't think of anything else to add that won't spoil the plot, so just click on t'link and be amazed... well, maybe not amazed, but possibly amused for a minute or two. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 ...a little chink of happiness lights up the Great British Summer, and the happiness is called... sweeeeeeeeeeeeties! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 ...tickle the bugger into submission, works every time. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 ...bizarrely dressed and a little bit crazy. It was in the news, and I agree with it wholeheartedly, because anything with 'homeworker' in it makes me feel kinda special, like I haven't been totally forgotten by the world (sniff). In other news, its still raining - I've had to rescue my garden from certain drowned-ness and risk life and limb stepping out the front door into the deluge... the joys of a British summer! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: ya put da lime in the coconut and mix 'em both together, put the lime in the coconut and then you'll feel better. Fortunately, the blog posts make a bit more sense... not much more, but a bit more. Go look - honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. http://www.brummieblogs.com Yes, I'm back, finally... a little exhausted, a lot confused, but ready to face the world again in a weak, slightly terrified way. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update6 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 Oh, its gone now. Never mind, I took photos of it, and I also put out a plea for a personal shopper - if you're the one, if you lurve to shop, if you think you can sort me out (and god only knows I shure do need sorting out) PLEEEEEEEZE get in touch, I need ya! Details on that little blue thing up there, you know, the linky thingy, just click it, go on, you know you want to, you can barely STAND the suspense, I just know it ;-) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 We have variety, that's wot we got. We got garden benches, painting, marbles, beer and honey, oh yeah, benches and painting and marbles and beer and honey, oh yeah. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 Yep, me again, finally! At least you know you'll get value for money when I do eventually get round to posting. I think I have what Stephen King called 'elephantitis of the pen' (or keyboard in my case, I can barely remember what a pen looks like any more), once I do actually get going I find it hard to stop. Anyway, real life with a Brummie accent, click to indulge in the horror. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 Chill? Pah! Shopping, smashed pots, unidentified plants, oodles of ex-husbands, a celebration, a near-fight in a charity shop, and some other stuff - its all here! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 It finally happened. Admittedly it didn't take much of a push because I was already teetering precariously on the edge, but the last remnants of sanity have finally deserted me. Its very liberating. http://www.brummieblogs.com Its the long-awaited trip to Wales, with pics and everything! Try to contain your excitement now. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 ...and so little time! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 ...especially the first one. And Brummie Blogs topics this episode include: embarrassing oneself with a facial appenditure, being unable to recognise one's own car (although can probably recognise my own face in a crowd I think), Igglepiggle and Makka Pakka (!!), and a whinge about grey hairs (gasp). Its real life with a Brummie accent, read it if you dare! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 ...saying its appalling that my ‘poor husband is at work all day and has to come home and cook for me when I’ve been home all day’.  Yes, quite.  My fault I guess, I only ever mention Hubby’s fabulous cooking because I appreciate it so much, I rarely mention my appalling efforts in the kitchen because I’d much rather forget all about those – and so would Hubs I suspect.  But I do cook.  We take turns.  On Hubs cooking days he’s bright and cheerful and happy and merry, on my cooking days he enters the house like a condemned man. http://www.brummieblogs.com My sister supposedly 'treated' me to a massage on Tuesday. I didn’t like it.  Nope, didn’t like it at all, not one little bit.  Not only did I have to get undressed in front of some 12 year old student in what looked like some dark hospital A&E cubicle, I had to pretend I was enjoying it but not make any sounds that might be construed as ‘sex noises’.  The 12 year old (nice enough, but you know, she was 12!) started on my legs first, and as I gazed ‘relaxed but not aroused’ at the ceiling, a single clear thought entered my head; when was the last time I’d shaved my legs?  While she struggled with the ‘upwards’ strokes, almost gasping at the effort, I figured it must have been at least a week, maybe two, and that she was probably having quite a ‘rough’ time down there. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 I can't even cook a curry, but I can Tweet and I can write summat for the Sunday Mercury. I can't dance and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything - name that tune! http://www.brummieblogs.com Having worked at home for nearly two years now, I think I'm becoming a little reclusive. In fact, I've become so antisocial I can't even bear to see a reflection in the mirror of myself in the same room any more! That's bad isn't it. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update10 Hubs asked me to click a couple of things online the other night to get tax for his car, and I just burst into tears (“No!" I cried, "Not the computer! I’ve just put the bloody thing down!  You can’t make me!  I won’t do it!  Argh!”) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update9 It's been such an odd day today that I did think maybe Friday the 13th had been postponed until Monday 23rd. I've barely escaped with my life. I'm just gonna sit here now and Stay Safe, not do anything, nuffin at all. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update8 Aside from the fact that I'm DROWNING in transcription work and can barely keep up (I dream about typing), Hubs had TWO big events this week, plus, masochist that I am, there was an outing with Marmee. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update7 Its all here, and more! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update6 "Almost a week since your last post, are you ill?” Been busy, like, werkin and stuff, werkin right 'ard. Too exhausted to move now though, I'm just a limp cabbage in a chair suffering from acute workaritus... there's no cure apparently. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 I've just finished 69 minutes of the most BORING audio in the history of recorded interviews. God, some people just LURVE the sound of their own voice don't they, but don't actually have anything interesting to say (not for 69 long, arduous, agonising minutes). I think I may need therapy. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 I've been typing my socks off since 7am and only just finished (1.40pm). If only I could phone in and say "Sorry, not working today, too much snow", but alas, I'd have to answer the phone and interrogate my own veracity, which gets a bit awkward. Anyway, too weak to type any more. Just a plea. Or two. Since you're probably at home with your feet up and chomping your way through a box of chocolates whilst indulging in some daytime TV. Or not. Whatever. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 All of Birmingham's schools were closed because of a fluttering of snow, and our transport system was brought to its knees (clearly the wrong 'type' of snow). Oh yeah, us Brits know how to cope with adversity, we give up and stay home (tsk). Anyway, check this out, and then check this out, and then have a bit of a lie down, maybe a massage and/or a glass of something warmly alcoholic to fend off hypothermia (lol). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 We've had a whole three inches of the white stuff in Birmingham, you'd think the end of the world had arrived, tsk. Schools closed, public transport giving everyone hell, fun times. Talking of buses, have a look at this... http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 Its snowing. Snowing like a right lot. Not by Canadian standards, but enough to bring the transport system to a gridlock. Ah, happy days. http://www.brummieblogs.com Good news for me, not so good for you since I've posted the contents of that folder and it doesn't make for easy viewing. Brace yerselves! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update11 I finally did it, got round to answering all the questions about transcribing that I'm constantly being asked - I can cross that off my Stuff To Do list now (phew) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update10 ...or is January lasting for a Really Long Time? I feel the same about Gordon Brown too. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update9 ...and then there's a new Brummie Blogs post too. It's just all too much isn't it. Go lie down and take a nap. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update8 If further proof were needed that I'm going slightly round the bend (if not already wedge there), its this. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update7 Firstly, the bad news. Apparently, its officially Blue Monday today, but as today is almost over it shouldn't affect you too much. The good news is, tomorrow isn't Blue Monday, its Happy Tuesday... and also, coincidentally, the day that Obama hits the White House. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update6 It's Sunday. The sun is out (astonishing!) and Hubs has said we're going to have a Really Lazy Day today (after the trauma of yesterday's mega shopping exercise). I love days like this. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 I know you've all been worried about my Oomph, being kept awake at night, tossing and turning, wondering where it might be... or is that just me? Anyway, here's an update, plus some Friday cheer. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 Not quite sure what happened, I just went all limp and lethargic, a bit dribbly and a lot floppy. I'm still dribbly and floppy, but at least there's movement now. Beware, these posts contain pictures of blobby monsters and (worse) me and Hubs - don't say you haven't been warned! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 January, month of misery brought on by chronic poverty, lack of daylight, freezing temperatures and that general post-holiday blues feeling.  Yuk hoik spit. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 And there appears to be a LOT of sniffing involved. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 It's here, 2009 AND Brummie Blogs (minus shiny aliens)! Oooh the excitement of it all! And my God, isn't it COLD! Stay warm, people. http://www.brummieblogs.com May your New Year be filled with just oodles of happiness, tons of love and laughter, and above all, a lorra lorra joy. With all best wishes, Fastfingers x http://www.brummieblogs.com#update11 And I've posted the pics... go see. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update10 No, not for streaking around Birmingham city centre having been tipped over the edge by too much shopping/drinking/eating/stress. Its about me and Jeremy Clarkson. Yes, really. Haven't punched him or anything. Look here - I'm the one about the chick lit about half way down (and the reason for the main picture and the special quotation box on the right - I'll try not to let it all go to my head). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update9 Phew, I survived Crimbo! By the skin of my teeth. And with some sanity relatively intact. Result! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update8 I'm like buses... nothing for ages and then two come at once! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update7 Like our electricity supply, I'm convinced that someone is stealing my life. It seems I wake up on Monday morning and go to bed on Friday night, I blink and whole days just disappear. But lo, Crimbo is bearing down upon us like a herd of charging elephants (all wearing tinsel and baubles) - the end is nigh. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update6 So who's panicking about Christmas yet? On a scale of one to five I'd say I was around 1.7 at the moment, but suspect its the calm before the storm and this time next week I'll be combusting in hysteria about double cream and a present for Great Aunt Mildred (even though I don't actually have a Great Aunt Mildred). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 Special birthday wishes to a wunnerful human bean, and a bit of a rant about DJ's slagging off Birmingham (gasp shock horror) which could well lead to the next Brand-Ross debacle. And its not even midday yet! http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 It's all here on Brummie Blogs :-) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 Have I fixed the link feed? Its not likely, but I do like to try these things to keep my finger on the Edge of Technological Advance... this from a woman who still doesn't know how to set her video recorder. Oh, and you SIMPLY MUST READ my expose of office crimbo parties, I'm expecting to get sued for defamation of character any minute now. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 You’re willing, but the rest of the world is like ‘oh grow up’. The day I lose my ability to act like a three year old is the day I give up entirely. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update6 Some stuff to cheer you up. And if your boss is out for the day (yeehaa) you'll have time to read some of the Granny Story, which is like totally surreal and weird (but funny). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 Pretty sure my motivation was there when I got up this morning, but I don't think its feeling very well and its gone back to bed, leaving me kind of limp and lifeless. So I've slobbed. All day. Conserving energy for the Day of Misery tomorrow. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update4 ...that there's just so much to do and so little time to do it in? They say 'if you want something done, ask a busy person' - utter crap. If I'm asked to do one more thing I swear blood will be shed. But anyway, I've posted, but it doesn't go far enough to portray the sheer chaos that is currently my life, so try reading it in a really frantic sounding voice :-). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 I've been typing and writing and typing some more and writing some more (if you haven't read about Julie Walters as a ghostly granny yet, check out the NaNoWriMo link on my blog - I'd link it here but I don't know how, because like I'm old and decrepid and a bit thick). This week was a case of 'Oh no, it's Mon- Wow, Friday already!' I survived it, but only just. Now, Bring On The Weekend... yeeeeehaaaaaaa. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 ...I'm exhausted! If you haven't yet read the NaNoWriMo by Fastingers (moi), click here: http://www.brummieblogs.com/NaNoWriMo1. That probably won't work as a link (due to creeping decreptitude), in which case you'll have to copy and paste, iritating I know. Meanwhile, the Hubs is currently trying to get me to go out shopping in order to solve the Empty Cupboard/Starvation problem, and I'm fast running out of excuses (not being dressed at 11.30am on a Sunday morning won't wash for much longer). http://www.brummieblogs.com#update1 I am struck down by some horrible malady that Hubs brought home from work with him - I'd have much preferred chocolates to be honest. Illness is boring, and boredom causes you to do all kinds of strange things, like huddle up to an overheated laptop to keep warm and write a lot. Go have a look and give it to me straight... do I need medical treatment, or do I need therapy? http://www.brummieblogs.com ...which is why I've been busybusybusy, trying to earn enough dosh to pay my EXTORTIONATE utility bills. But I did managed to scrape enough pennies together to Do Lunch with Marmee and Sista, which was surreal, as always. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update7 It's good :-) http://www.brummieblogs.com#update6 ...which is a good job considering the sheer volume of work I've had this week. The dam of poverty has broken and I'm up to my eyelashes in audio - thank god! I also live in a house that contains a gun... not quite sure how I feel about that yet, depends how many bodies I find on my patio in the weeks to come as Hubs enthusiastically shoots vermin. slugs, and possibly next door's cats. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update5 Ooooh, where were we? Tap tap tap, this thing working? Hopefully I haven't broken the entire internet, but I'm a bit worried about all these feed link thingies I've got left over. http://www.brummieblogs.com But then, I was never very far from the edge of that particular slipperly slope anyway. There's been a lot of disappointment milling around this week, and its only Tuesday. One hopes that Things Can Only Get Better before physical restraint is required. [If all this sounds a bit freaky to you, let me know and I'll take more medication]. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update3 Poverty is something I'm well acquainted with, so it holds no fear for me. Oh no, been there, done that, bring it on. How much can you get for a spleen these days? http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 It appears I have no work. NO WORK! This would be alarming had I not suffered the same agonies of worklessness before. I don't know what to do with myself, so I've pithered around on my blog and changed lots of things - it probably doesn't work at all now. Tsk, the vandalism of the chronically idle. Oh wait! Some work's arrived! Poverty and starvation narrowly averted (phew!) http://www.brummieblogs.com My God, that was a job and a half. All I've heard for almost a week is the constant rumbling of the washing machine (and the dog hacking his lungs up). But I've finally recovered from jet-lag, its like being reborn... I have energy and some vague idea of my name and stuff. S'great. Weather's crap though. http://www.brummieblogs.com#update2 The final part! With pics! And normal service can now be resumed... whatever 'normal' is. http://www.brummieblogs.com/AMERICAN%20ROAD%20TRIP#update3 Nuff said, go read... http://www.brummieblogs.com/AMERICAN%20ROAD%20TRIP#update2 It's here! I finally got my act together and started beating my indecipherable notes into a proper account of our 12 day road trip. Brace yerselves, there's LOADS more to come. http://www.brummieblogs.com/AMERICAN ROAD TRIP.htm ...just testing out the feed so you're not bombarded by spam again. Man, that was one hard sucker to get rid of! http://brummieblogs.com