12 Things I Hate About Everybody

1.  People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the f**k is yours?  Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2.  People who are willing to get off their ar*e to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3.  When people say "Oooh you just want to have your cake and eat it".  Too f**king right I do!  What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4.  When people say "it's always in the last place you look".  Of course it is.  Why the f**k would you keep looking after you've found it?  Do people do this?  Who and where are they?

5.  When people say, while you're watching a film, "Did you see that?"  No t*sser, I paid £10 to come to the cinema and stare at the f**king floor.

6.  People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"  ...didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7.  When something is 'New & Improved'.  Which is it?  If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.  If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8.  When people say "Life is short".  What the f**k???  Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f**king does.  What the hell can you do that's longer than life?

9.  When you're waiting for a bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?"  If the bus came, would I be standing here, kn*bhead?

10.  People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be".  So what did they used to be?  Ears?  Wellington boots?

11.  When you're eating something and someone asks "is that nice?"  No, it's really revolting.  I always eat stuff I hate.

12.  McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering ...it has to be a McChicken Burger.  Just a 'Chicken Burger' gets a blank look.  Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes, you McTos*er.